This is one of the hardest questions a person can face. There is no formula that gives you the answer. But there are questions worth sitting with before you decide.
Take your time with these. There are no right or wrong answers. They are just meant to help you think more clearly.
Questions about the relationship
- Do I feel respected in this relationship?
- Do I feel safe, both physically and emotionally?
- Does my partner take responsibility when they hurt me?
- Do we both want this relationship to work, or just one of us?
- Have things changed before, or does the same cycle keep repeating?
- Is my partner willing to get help if the relationship needs it?
Questions about yourself
- Who was I before this relationship? Do I still recognize myself?
- Am I staying because I want to, or because I am afraid to leave?
- What would I tell a close friend in this same situation?
- What do I actually want my life to look like?
- Am I staying for real reasons, or mainly for the children, finances, or fear of being alone?
Questions about the future
- Can I picture a version of this relationship that feels good? Is that version realistic?
- If nothing changed, could I live with that for the rest of my life?
- What would have to be different for staying to feel like the right choice?
What these questions are not
These questions are not designed to push you toward leaving. Some people work through them and decide to stay and do the hard work of rebuilding. Some people work through them and realize they have already known for a long time that they need to go.
Either answer is valid. The goal is to make the decision consciously, from a clear place, rather than from fear or habit.
You do not have to figure this out alone
A therapist can help you work through these questions without pressure or judgment. They are not there to tell you what to do. They are there to help you hear yourself more clearly.